In the
current halachic battles surrounding the struggles of women to obtain Gittin
from recalcitrant husbands, one never knows what might actually facilitate the
resolution of a previously difficult predicament. In the following
story a well-timed shiur on the very topic actually leads to a breakthrough in
what had been previously intractable proceedings.
Part
I—The Shiur
Dayan
HaRav Moshe Gutnick, in the New York area celebrating the recent birth of a
grandchild, addressed an audience of nearly 90 participants on April 28 at the
United Lubavitcher Yeshiva in Crown Heights, with a short lecture
about Gittin and the halachic processes involved, which was then
followed by a rather lively question-and-answer session that lasted for nearly
two hours.
Dayan
HaRav Gutnick began his lecture noting that the seeds for this shiur were
essentially planted by one of his niece’s facebook groups where questions about
Gittin arose, and it became apparent that people didn’t understand the the
halachic process or Gett process; the misunderstandings had a tendency to lead
to unrealistic expectations, or lack of awareness of available
options. “Knowledge of the halachic process is supposed to be
empowering. The Church l’havdil burned books to maintain
power and keep the masses ignorant. In our context for Torah to
have its proper place we have to know it, and understanding the process
empowers us."
Dayan
Harav Gutnick illustrated the process by retelling the Talmudic story of the
Oven of Akhnai in Baba Metzia and how the debate ended with the proclamation of
“Lo bashamayim hi!" [“It is not in heaven!”], to underscore
how “Torah is partnership: Hashem gave the Torah to us; it’s our
responsibility to find the halacha; and that’s why
Chazal and gedolim have grappled to always find solutions to help
people.” He explained this by saying that, while certain halachic issues
could be called “neutral” in that they “don’t relate to people in terms of
personal pain or the circumstances in which they find themselves”, in
other cases “crises developed with people having real difficulties and solutions
where possible had to be found to help those people.”
He then
addressed the core of the shiur: the issues surrounding the withholding
of Gittin, the salience of a halachic prenup as a possible remedy, and
possible communal responses to recalcitrant husbands which he considered to be
the most effective tool outside of Israel. Dayan HaRav Gutnick was
unequivocal about the immutability of hilchos Gittin and
kiddushin—specifically that the man always has to be the one to give both the
kiddushin and the Gett, and the Gett has to always be given beratzon with
drastic halachic consequences ensuing from a forced Gett (“This
requirement that the man must give the Gett willingly creates all sorts of
difficulties and we don’t know why Hashem created those difficulties but we
must uncompromisingly adhere to His will.”) He then elaborated on the
halachic concepts of kofin and ma’us alai,
their history and timeline, and the circumstances where they might apply, and
the "difficulty of knowing those circumstances. In the old
days, If Halocho required a man to give a Gett, under the auspices of a Beth
Din you would beat him until a Gett was given. Nowadays, allowing a husband to
abuse his wife by not giving her a Gett when required to do so is apparently
deemed by our secular society to be more civilized than allowing corporal
punishment to force him into submission. We therefore need to find different
solutions."
As the
evening progressed and the Dayan received questions, it became further apparent
what he hoped would result—especially outside Israel: “the only thing
that works is that [a] community gets behind it and won’t tolerate it…[w]hen a
woman doesn’t want to stay married I call that woman an aguna.
There are technical terminologies [], but the community has to view a woman who
wants a Gett and doesn't get one immediately as an aguna. Now
of course there is a difference between a week and 6 months…everything is
relative to particular circumstances. However...a woman who wants
a Gett is entitled to get one. In an ideal world,
the Gett is the last thing to be finalized between the parties, [but]
using the Gett as tool is not acceptable; if a man uses any sort of
settlement between the parties as a reason to unreasonably delay a get or uses
it as a bargaining chip this should be totally unacceptable. Rav Moshe
Feinstein said if there’s any delay, then it DOESN’T go last.” Addressing
the issue of prenups, the Dayan said “we need to work towards” a time where no
chuppah is done without one provided the pre-nup is 100% halachically
acceptable.
Finally—in
a way summing up the entire evening—a challenge was issued from the male side
of the mechitza: “If you want to make the marriage work it will.”
The Dayan
replied: absolutely not.
“How do
you know?”
“Because
the Torah said so. You hope every marriage will work. But the get
is there for a reason. You can’t force two people to stay together
against their will…Ain neshosenu shevuyos charev [“our women
are not prisoners of war”].
Part
II—Tali Roytman’s Story
Tali Roytman—a Crown Heights resident undergoing a divorce
battle at the time of the lecture—described how Dayan HaRav Moshe Gutnick’s
shiur opened up the possibility of exercising a previously untried halachic
option in her own divorce battle.
“I've been waiting for my get over 4 years. We were
involved with Rabbi Weismann at Beis Din Of America. In a weird twist it
was my husband who 'invited' me there. I replied I would go but that I want a
hearing. Rabbi Weismann called him to come in and sign arbitration - a
normal process. But he didn't want to. Rabbi Weissmann actually called me
very surprised. Usually the person who initiates the process doesn't have
an issue with arbitration. So the BDOA was put on hold, making the process
even longer.
“I knew in my mind I wouldn't be able to get him to an actual
Beis Din in America. He is an avoider. He had signed and notarized
agreements which he discarded. We had appointments for the get which he
didn't show up for. Honestly no one really knows why he even went to BDOA
or why he thought he would have it better there.
"There is an option of getting a Beit Din to issue an
injunction to detain my husband for withholding the get in Israel - the Tzav
Ikuv Yetsiya-a restraining order to leave the country. Some people mentioned
that option to me in passing but I never gave it a second thought. I just
didn't have enough knowledge or strength.
“My husband and I are both Israeli citizens and we married in
Israel. We moved to NY soon after we got married. He went back for a
family simcha, so he sent me a note with the children. The note said
he would be away for 2 weeks. Within those 2 weeks - min hashamayim -
Rabbi Gutnick spoke.
“A light bulb went on in my head when I heard Rabbi Gutnick's
thoughts on this option. Then another friend told me: ‘If he is in Israel, why
don't you look into this option?', which pushed me even further.
“I had some local connection contact Yad La-isha for me. We
made it clear that it's time sensitive because he may or may not be in Israel
for another week. Possibly, this connection who has some association
with the government caused it to go quicker. I can't say for certain. But I
believe within 3 days he was served.
“He wanted to leave Israel right away but clearly just wanted
this over with…since we are both currently living in America with kids and any
other issue must be taken care of in the US.
“I was then called to come to Israel right away.
“It was almost Shabbos so I checked flight possibilities. I
confirmed with the Yad La-isha lawyer. She let the Rabanut know. They were ok
with the court date which was on my birthday.
“I always feared that he would possibly change his mind, even
this time. In the back of my mind, I was thinking that because he has his
family in Israel he may just say 'forget leaving the country. I'm ok to stay
here in Israel' and then I didn't know what the next step would be. But
once he let the Rabbanut know he was coming to the Diyun, he would probably at
least show up.
“Rav
Shlomo Shtasman, Av Bes Din Rabbani Azuri Tel Aviv-Yaffo spoke to him privately
and then to me privately. Within 2 hours it was done and I was a free
woman. On my birthday. In Eretz Yisroel."
